UGLY SWEATERS

There is such a litany of places to purchase butt ugly sweaters this season that it may be difficult to decide where to buy them.  If you are like me, you’ll probably want to decide based on 3 key factors:

1.  Pricing- What sweaters are within your price range and what is the shipping cost?

2. Selection- This may be the most important element.  If you don’t LOVE your sweater, than you might need to keep looking.  There’s no reason to settle, silly pants.

3. Comfort- How long has the sweater business been around that you are going with.  Are they a fly-by-night company that takes no issue in ripping you off, or have they been in business for a few years?  Do some research and you may find some startling information.

Ugly Christmas Teddy Bear Sweater $30

Buying an ugly sweater is a much more thoughtful process than one might imagine.

Anybody with half a brain can simply go to an ugly sweater website, find the first/best thing available and pull the trigger.

Here are a few tips to help you in your selection:

1. If you are a hipster, don’t bother with the Cosby Sweaters. You’ll probably actually come off looking pretty typical. Go with an oversized Santa or cartoonish Reindeer bust to prove your dedication to the craft.
2. If you are a heavyset person, stay away from the shoulder pads. I know it might make you think you are Michael Jackson -rad. It’s not the case at all. Shoulder pads only work for people that appear slim in the sweater, then it gives the heir of a regal soldier. Big-uns should go with a vest or cardigan style ugly sweater that exudes confidence and allows for nice accessorizing.
3. Small dainty women should go with children’s sweaters. It’s not fair to guys to show up to a party swimming in a bowl of wool spaghetti. Get a little risque with a cute childrens sweater and you’ll feel nice and look sexy.

Finding the right sweater will ensure that you have years of enjoyable holiday parties and even trophies to hang on your wall.

If you need some assistance for your particular frame or personality, let us know and we’ll give you our opinion.

Here is a list, in no particular order, of some celebrities that have played an instrumental role in bringing the stewardship of Ugly Sweaters to the forefront of American culture:

Mr. Cobain introduced the world to grunge-rock and also showed us what one can do with the sweater of a transient.

The man, the myth, the legend; Cosby is to ugly sweaters what Michael Jordan is to the game of Basketball.

The man who made humping men cool again is caught wearing an ugly sweater befitting a man that humps men...go figure.

Listen, why not? Bieber is the king of the world for the time being. If King Beeb wants to wear pastel pink ugly sweaters, we should all kiss his petite feminine feet and let him.

Sweater meat, Ahoy! When you live the life of a socialite, you are held to a new standard in fashion. Wear a sweater this ugly at risk of being ridiculed by millions.

One of TV's most beloved characters is now a haunted civilian. Think of the daily struggle for Jaleel White as a new generation's most typecasted star. Gilligan hands down the torch.