Meltdown Ugly Christmas Sweatshirt: The Snowman Has Given Up
The snowman is having a bad time and has decided that everyone should know.
Meltdown is a snowman in the middle of a full structural collapse, printed edge to edge across the whole sweatshirt, surrounded by fair-isle bands carrying on as though nothing is happening. That contrast is the joke. The pattern is calm. The snowman is not.
He is the most relatable thing we sell in December.
What is happening to him
Structurally: the head has gone. Emotionally: he is aware the head has gone. The carrot is still in roughly the correct place, which somehow makes it worse, and the eyes have slid into an expression of complete acceptance.
Around him, snowflakes and diamonds march along in tidy rows, doing their job, giving him no help at all. Nobody in the design is reacting. That is deliberate. A snowman melting while everything else stays festive is funnier than a snowman melting while everything else panics.
This is an all-over print, so the design covers the entire garment: front, back, sleeves, seam to seam. The snowman is not a graphic stuck on a chest. He is the whole sweatshirt, and he is falling apart across all of it.
The Ugly Rating: 8 out of 10
High, and earned. Meltdown is loud, dense and slightly upsetting from three metres away, which is exactly the brief for an ugly Christmas sweater.
The Chief Festivity Officer scored it an 8 from a hot spring, which some read as thematically insensitive given that he was sitting in warm water at the time. He has not addressed this.
What the cast made of it
Sitting Duck, Head of Quality Control
Looked at the snowman for a long time. Looked at the carrot. Said nothing, in a way that everyone present agreed was sympathetic rather than approving.
Cool Cat, Head of Morale
Loved it immediately and said the head coming off is “the most December thing in the range”. He owns two. He has explained the joke at parties, which ruins it, and he does it anyway.
Owl, Head of Knitwear
Pointed out that the fair-isle bands around the snowman follow proper grammar, two colours per row, even repeats, which nobody expected from a print. She has asked us to mention it here. This is us mentioning it.
Deer, Head of Illuminations
Suggested a light inside the snowman. Was asked what he thought that would look like. Withdrew the suggestion.
Every form Meltdown comes as
Three, all printed rather than knitted, and all of them running much later than the knit deadline.
The all-over-print sweatshirt, $79.99
The full design printed edge to edge before the garment is sewn, so the pattern runs across every seam and a 6XL carries exactly as much joke as a Small. 2XS to 6XL, one flat price at every size. Printed to order in three to seven business days.
The couples matching set, $144.99
Two of the same sweatshirt, $144.99 together against $159.98 apart. Two people, two collapsing snowmen, one shared mood. Order two different sizes, the set expects it.
The badge tee, $27.99
The snowman pulled into a knitted-look crest and printed on a soft tee, XS to 5XL, in five colours: Pure White, Blue, Green, Mauve and Vintage White. One flat price at every size, and the cheapest way into the design.
Wearing a collapsing snowman in public
All-over prints do the work by themselves. Plain jeans, plain boots, nothing else patterned. The sweatshirt is already having a large day.
The fit is a relaxed unisex sweatshirt and runs true to size. Size up if you want it slouchy, which suits a print this busy. The sizing and fit guide has the measurements.
One practical advantage of all-over print over a chest graphic: it photographs from any angle. There is no dead side. At a party where people are standing in a circle, that matters more than you would think.
When can you get it?
Printed items run much later than the knits, which is the useful part if you have left this until December.
Order by December 11 in the USA for delivery before Christmas, or December 16 with express at checkout. Shipping internationally, the dates are November 26 standard and December 14 express.
Everything is printed to order in three to seven business days, so nothing sells out. If you want a knitted design instead, those close much earlier, on November 15. All the dates live on the shipping and cut-off page.
FAQ
What does all-over print mean?
The design is printed onto the fabric before the garment is sewn, so it covers the whole sweatshirt including the sleeves and across the seams. A 6XL shows the same amount of design as a Small, which is not true of a chest graphic.
Is Meltdown knitted?
No, this one is printed. The knitted range is separate and closes for Christmas on November 15. Meltdown runs to December 11 in the USA.
Does the price change by size?
Never. $79.99 for the sweatshirt, 2XS to 6XL, and $27.99 for the tee, XS to 5XL. We do not charge more for a larger size on either.
Is there a matching one for my dog?
Not for this design. The pet sweaters are knitted, and Meltdown is a print. The pet collection has the designs that do come in a dog size.
Is there a cheaper version?
Yes. The badge tee is $27.99 and carries the same character as a knitted-look crest on the chest, in five colours.
How late can I order it?
December 11 standard in the USA, December 16 with express. November 26 standard internationally, December 14 express.
The Festive Folks’ Verdict
Buy Meltdown if you want the loudest thing in the range and a snowman who has stopped pretending. It scores an 8, it prints edge to edge, the badge tee starts at $27.99, and all three forms are orderable well into December when the knits have long since closed.
Cool Cat owns two. Cool Cat will explain the joke to you. Let him.
Get it
Every form, made to order and shipped with tracking.
Christmas timing: Printed on demand and shipped fast: order by December 11 (standard US shipping) or December 16 (rush) to be under the tree in time. The full list is on our shipping times page.
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