Meet the Character

Cold Turkey

He quit cold turkey. The birdbath froze, the beanie is on, and he regrets nothing.

He quit cold turkey and kept his word through eleven months, into December, and out to a birdbath that froze weeks ago. Beanie on, scarf on, regretting nothing where anyone can hear him.

Known for

Quitting on January 1st and meaning it.

Pairs with

Meltdown

Ugly Rating

7/10

Shop the sweatshirt, US$79.99 Read the story

Every way to wear Cold Turkey

All-over-print sweatshirt 2XS to 6XL, printed edge to edge US$79.99 Badge tee XS to 5XL, knitted-look badge US$27.99 Kids tee Youth XS to XL, same badge US$36.99 Kids tee Youth XS to XL, same badge US$39.99 Kids tee Youth XS to XL, same badge US$24.99 Toddler tee 2T to 5T, same badge US$21.99 Couples sweatshirt set Two crews, any two sizes US$144.99 Couples tee set Two tees, any two sizes US$46.99 Couples tee set Two tees, any two sizes US$49.99

The full story

Cold Turkey Ugly Christmas Sweater: The Pun That Works Twice

Who Cold Turkey is, who wears the sweater, and how to get it before the Christmas cut-off. The Festive Folks wrote it down so nobody has to explain the joke at the party.

Read the story

Meet the rest of the cast

MeltdownComing inside anyway.Shop Meltdown →Chill CapybaraLeading from a hot spring.Shop Chill Capybara →Cool CatTreating a frozen pond like a private beach.Shop Cool Cat →Meowy ChristmasOne ornament down, eleven to go.Shop Meowy Christmas →Night OwlWide awake at 2am, with opinions.Shop Night Owl →Oh DeerBeing involved in whatever just went wrong.Shop Oh Deer →Fa La La La LlamaOpting out at the fourth fa-la-la.Shop Fa La La La Llama →Early BirdFirst in line since 5am.Shop Early Bird →Sitting DuckSitting. Judging. Saying nothing.Shop Sitting Duck →Merry WoofmasWearing the tree instead of decorating it.Shop Merry Woofmas →Tree-RexHolding the star. Not reaching the tree.Shop Tree-Rex →Couch PotatoWatching the fireplace like it is television.Shop Couch Potato →Bull In A China ShopBalancing a teacup on one horn to make a point.Shop Bull In A China Shop →Deer In HeadlightsThat face when someone asks about your holiday plans.Shop Deer In Headlights →Elephant In The RoomBeing enormous in a party hat while nobody mentions it.Shop Elephant In The Room →Fleece NavidadBeing the pun, and enjoying it.Shop Fleece Navidad →KoalafiedBeing koalafied. Not qualified. Koalafied.Shop Koalafied →Party AnimalStanding perfectly still while the party happens.Shop Party Animal →Shrimp On The BarbieChristmas at 38 degrees, next to a grill.Shop Shrimp On The Barbie →Silly GooseBeing a bit much, in the best way.Shop Silly Goose →Snug As A BugNot coming out until spring.Shop Snug As A Bug →The GiverKnitting every sweater in the room, and taking no credit.Shop The Giver →Tired MomHolding the whole thing together with two paws.Shop Tired Mom →Toadally FestiveLoving the holidays more than is reasonable.Shop Toadally Festive →Waddle You WantDelivering your present on his head, eventually.Shop Waddle You Want →When Pigs FlyClearing for takeoff.Shop When Pigs Fly →Scaredy CatSitting in the candy bowl, unbothered.Shop Scaredy Cat →Boo WhoSaid boo. Nobody flinched.Shop Boo Who →Pumpkin Spice CapybaraFully committed to pumpkin spice season.Shop Pumpkin Spice Capybara →Count CatulaImmortal, and using it to lie down.Shop Count Catula →FrankenswineAlive, technically, and pleased about it.Shop Frankenswine →Hang In ThereHanging in there, upside down, as instructed.Shop Hang In There →Hail SantaHorns up, front row, all December.Shop Hail Santa →KrampusWorking the other list.Shop Krampus →Gingerbread ManBaked, iced, and aware of what happens next.Shop Gingerbread Man →Fringe BenefitsAll fringe, no visibility.Shop Fringe Benefits →Flamingle BellsChristmas at the beach, and correct about it.Shop Flamingle Bells →G.O.A.T. TeacherGreatest of all time, marking until eleven.Shop G.O.A.T. Teacher →Slow BurnEight nights is exactly his pace.Shop Slow Burn →Latke NightOne more batch since sundown, every night of the eight.Shop Latke Night →Powder DayWearing a fresh fall of powdered sugar all eight nights, and keeping it.Shop Powder Day →Spin ClassTimed the dreidel at 4.2 seconds. Would like a re-spin.Shop Spin Class →

Join the VIP Club for 10% off Cold Turkey and everyone else in the cast. Join, it is free. The duck insists.

Showing all 9 results

• Cold Turkey Kids Ugly Christmas Shirt | Funny Christmas Tee to Pinterest (opens in a new window)
  

  Cold Turkey Kids Ugly Christmas Shirt | Funny Christmas Tee

  Christmas US$24.99 Select options This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page

  Cold Turkey for kids. Badge tee, knitted lettering, $24.99, youth S to XL.

  • A soft youth tee carrying the same badge as the grown-up version
  • Youth S to XL at one price in every size, with the size chart on this page
  • Printed to order and usually with you in 6 to 8 days in the US
• Cold Turkey Kids Ugly Christmas Sweater | Youth Crewneck Sweatshirt to Pinterest (opens in a new window)
  

  Cold Turkey Kids Ugly Christmas Sweater | Youth Crewneck Sweatshirt

  Christmas US$39.99 Select options This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page

  Cold Turkey on a kids crewneck sweatshirt, round knitted badge print. Youth sizes xs to xl, $39.99.

• Cold Turkey Matching Parent and Child Christmas Shirts | Mommy and Me, Daddy and Me to Pinterest (opens in a new window)
  

  Cold Turkey Matching Parent and Child Christmas Shirts | Mommy and Me, Daddy and Me

  Christmas US$46.99 Select options This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page

  Matching Cold Turkey Christmas shirts for a parent and a child. One adult tee plus one toddler or youth tee, $46.99 together.

  • Pure White or Blue, both shirts in the same colour
  • Parent XS to 5XL, child 2T to youth XL, one price for every combination
  • Printed to order, order by December 11 for US Christmas delivery
• Cold Turkey Toddler Ugly Christmas Shirt | Christmas Tee, 2T to 5T to Pinterest (opens in a new window)
  

  Cold Turkey Toddler Ugly Christmas Shirt | Christmas Tee, 2T to 5T

  Christmas US$21.99 Select options This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page

  Cold Turkey for toddlers. Badge tee, knitted lettering, US$21.99, sizes 2T to 5T.

  • A soft toddler tee carrying the same badge as the grown-up version
  • 2T to 5T at one price in every size, with the size chart on this page
  • Printed to order and usually with you in 6 to 8 days in the US
• Cold Turkey Toddler Ugly Christmas Sweater | Kids Crewneck Sweatshirt, Ages 2 to 7 to Pinterest (opens in a new window)
  

  Cold Turkey Toddler Ugly Christmas Sweater | Kids Crewneck Sweatshirt, Ages 2 to 7

  Christmas US$36.99 Select options This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page

  Cold Turkey on a toddler crewneck sweatshirt, round knitted badge print. Sizes 2 to 7 (ages in years), $36.99.

• Cold Turkey Ugly Christmas Shirt | Funny Christmas Tee for Women and Men to Pinterest (opens in a new window)
  

  Cold Turkey Ugly Christmas Shirt | Funny Christmas Tee for Women and Men

  Christmas US$27.99 Select options This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page

  Cold Turkey. Badge tee, knitted lettering, $27.99, XS to 5XL.

  • Knitted-look badge printed on a soft unisex tee
  • XS to 5XL at one price in every size. Unisex classic fit, true to size
  • Printed to order and usually with you in 6 to 8 days in the US
• Cold Turkey Ugly Christmas Sweater | Funny All-Over-Print Sweatshirt to Pinterest (opens in a new window)
  

  Cold Turkey Ugly Christmas Sweater | Funny All-Over-Print Sweatshirt

  Christmas US$79.99 Select options This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page

  He quit cold turkey. The birdbath froze, the beanie is on, and he regrets nothing.

  • All-over print, edge to edge across the front, back and sleeves, with soft fleece inside
  • 2XS to 6XL at one price in every size. Unisex classic fit; between sizes, go up one
  • Printed to order and usually with you in 7 to 9 days in the US
• Cold Turkey Matching Ugly Christmas Sweaters for Couples | Two Sweatshirts to Pinterest (opens in a new window)
  

  Cold Turkey Matching Ugly Christmas Sweaters for Couples | Two Sweatshirts

  Christmas US$144.99 Select options This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page

  Two Cold Turkey sweatshirts, one for you and one for yours. US$144.99 together, US$159.98 apart.

  • Two all-over-print sweatshirts in the same design, one for each of you
  • Each person picks their own size, 2XS to 5XL, one price for the pair
  • Printed to order and usually with you in 7 to 9 days in the US
• Cold Turkey Matching Christmas Shirts for Couples | Two Funny Tees to Pinterest (opens in a new window)
  

  Cold Turkey Matching Christmas Shirts for Couples | Two Funny Tees

  Christmas US$49.99 Select options This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page

  Two Cold Turkey tees, one for you and one for yours. US$49.99 together, US$55.98 apart.

  • Two of the same badge tee, one for each of you
  • Each person picks their own size, XS to 5XL, one price for the pair
  • Printed to order and usually with you in 6 to 8 days in the US